We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off-limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today’s topic: how men can be better sexual partners to women.
The Pleasure Man was put on trial 2 years after the premiere, charging the company for "sex, degeneracy, and sex perversion". The trial was riddled with homophobia, chastising the “degenerates” that they saw on the stage, and asking if their manners of female impersonation carried on off stage. The jury failed to reach a decision and the charges were dismissed. West never appeared in court and was fined $60,000[1]
How to find it: The sacrum is the triangular bone located at the base of his spine in between his hips (think: the small of his back). There are nerves in the sacrum that are linked to the genitals, so stimulating these nerves can send sensations to his manly parts. In fact, some studies show that electrical stimulation of these nerves can trigger orgasm.
Oral sex has been observed in the animal kingdom among many species.[46][47] It has been suggested that there is an evolutionary advantage due to the tendency of primates, non-primates and humans to have oral sex.[48] Oral sex, at least fellatio, also exists among the fruit bat, Cynopterus sphinx; it has been observed when the bats are mating. These bat pairs spend more time copulating if the female licks the male than if she does not.[45][49]
Mae West, wise-cracking vaudeville performer, was one of the most controversial figures of her era. Rarely, however, do people think of Mae West as a writer. In Three Plays By Mae West, Lillian Schlissel brings this underexplored part of West's career to the fore by offering for the first time in book form, three of the plays West wrote in the 1920s--Sex (1926), The Drag (1927) and Pleasure Man (1928). With an insightful introduction by Schlissel, this book offers a unique look into to the life and early career of this legendary stage and screen actress.
The fuel for the process leading to orgasm is testosterone, a hormone produced in steady supply by the testicles. The testicles also make millions of sperm each day, which mature and then are mixed with whitish, protein-rich fluids. These fluids nourish and support the sperm so they can live after ejaculation for a limited time. This mixture of fluid and sperm, known as semen, is what is moved through the urethra and out the penis during orgasm.
The author of the Kama Sutra states that it is also practiced by "unchaste women", but mentions that there are widespread traditional concerns about this being a degrading or unclean practice, with known practitioners being evaded as love partners in large parts of the country. The author appears to somewhat agree with these attitudes, claiming that "a wise man" should not engage in that form of intercourse while acknowledging that it can be appropriate in some unspecified cases.
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Try this: Britton suggests having him lie on his back and slowly licking from his areola inwards, like an ice cream cone, but never touching tongue to nip. Get closer and closer until you flick his nipple with your tongue and then gently bite it. Britton says, “Men love when you slowly build up the pressure like that, so don’t be afraid to nip him harder than you would like to be,” If you wanna be really extra, you can suck on an ice cube beforehand for more sensation.
My fiance has never gotten off from just a blow job alone. He always has to help me out while I’m performing fellatio, and he normally needs sex to be somewhat fast and hard to finish. I’ve been told in previous relationships that I’m very good at what I do, but I want to do something for him that he’s never had. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. I utilize all of the aforementioned tips you’ve posted. Thanks!
The best thing about giving a partner the first blow job is then you can ask for, essentially, an oral sex performance review. All sex—penetrative, oral, etc.—tends to get better with a partner as you get to know each other better and communicate more. As you're comfortable, ask your partner what he likes in a blow job, or how you can craft a BJ perfect for him. And if he's polite, he'll ask the same of you. A true win-win.
It is difficult for some people to perform fellatio, due to their sensitivities to the natural gag reflex. Different people have different sensitivities to the reflex, but some people learn to suppress the reflex. Deep-throating is an act in which a man's partner takes the entire erect penis deep into their mouth, in such a way as to enter their throat.
"It's all about the perineum — that's the area between the balls and the anus on a guy. While you are going down on him, make a fist with one of your free hands and then use the flat part of your fist to gently, but firmly, massage that area in a rolling motion. If you do it right, you'll hit that sweet spot underneath on his prostate. That, coupled with the simultaneous oral action, and he'll be thanking you the rest of the night!"
An intensely pleasurable blow job tip that you can use on him is to use the tip of your tongue to apply a gentle flicking motion to it. While you are naturally going to stimulate his frenulum while sucking him (learn tips on sucking here and here) or just licking his penis (learn some oral sex licking techniques here), this technique is different as you will be focusing all your stimulation on a very specific point on his penis.
Hey Jack, i had so much fun reading the book ! bad timing getting it during exam week ! i barely studied ! lol , and even read it at the job ! ( call center, not so bad ahahah ) well, totally worth it ! He even told me '' i dont think its healthy for me to cum that hard '' you made me proud of my blow jobs ! I never had problem with the passion part, in fact , before i felt like i enoyed giving him head more then he liked receiving it !! So a lot of the techniques were good for me. thanks again !
Another study in The New England Journal of Medicine suggests a correlation between oral sex and throat cancer. It is believed that this is due to the transmission of HPV, a virus that has been implicated in the majority of cervical cancers and which has been detected in throat cancer tissue in numerous studies. The study concludes that people who had one to five oral sex partners in their lifetime had approximately a doubled risk of throat cancer compared with those who never engaged in this activity and those with more than five oral sex partners had a 250 percent increased risk.[29][30]
Fellatio is sometimes practiced when penile penetration would create a physical difficulty for a sex partner. For example, it may be practiced during pregnancy instead of vaginal intercourse by couples wishing to engage in intimate sexual activity while avoiding the difficulty of vaginal intercourse during later stages of pregnancy.[18] There may be other reasons why a woman may not wish to have vaginal intercourse, such as apprehension of losing her virginity, of becoming pregnant,[12][14] or she may be menstruating.
^ Jump up to: a b Bryan Strong; Christine DeVault; Theodore F. Cohen (2010). The Marriage and Family Experience: Intimate Relationship in a Changing Society. Cengage Learning. p. 186. ISBN 0-534-62425-1. Retrieved October 8, 2011. Most people agree that we maintain virginity as long as we refrain from sexual (vaginal) intercourse. But occasionally we hear people speak of 'technical virginity' [...] Data indicate that 'a very significant proportion of teens ha[ve] had experience with oral sex, even if they haven't had sexual intercourse, and may think of themselves as virgins' [...] Other research, especially research looking into virginity loss, reports that 35% of virgins, defined as people who have never engaged in vaginal intercourse, have nonetheless engaged in one or more other forms of heterosexual sexual activity (e.g., oral sex, anal sex, or mutual masturbation).
Try this: Have your partner take his shirt off and lay on his stomach with his arms by his side. Hot tip: keep his pants on, but pull them down a few inches for a tantalizing never-nude experience ;). Lightly run your fingers and or anxiety-ravaged cuticles down across his lower back, stopping before you hit ass cheek. Do not pass ‘Go’, collect $200, or go past his crack.
^ Jump up to: a b Bryan Strong; Christine DeVault; Theodore F. Cohen (2010). The Marriage and Family Experience: Intimate Relationship in a Changing Society. Cengage Learning. p. 186. ISBN 0-534-62425-1. Retrieved October 8, 2011. Most people agree that we maintain virginity as long as we refrain from sexual (vaginal) intercourse. But occasionally we hear people speak of 'technical virginity' [...] Data indicate that 'a very significant proportion of teens ha[ve] had experience with oral sex, even if they haven't had sexual intercourse, and may think of themselves as virgins' [...] Other research, especially research looking into virginity loss, reports that 35% of virgins, defined as people who have never engaged in vaginal intercourse, have nonetheless engaged in one or more other forms of heterosexual sexual activity (e.g., oral sex, anal sex, or mutual masturbation).

^ Jump up to: a b c d See here and pages 47-49 for views on what constitutes virginity loss and therefore sexual intercourse or other sexual activity; source discusses how gay and lesbian individuals define virginity loss, and how the majority of researchers and heterosexuals define virginity loss/"technical virginity" by whether or not a person has engaged in penile-vaginal sex. Laura M. Carpenter (2005). Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences. NYU Press. pp. 295 pages. ISBN 0-8147-1652-0. Retrieved October 9, 2011.
The Dip Under the Ankles: There is a mythical place in between the heel and the popliteal fossa (that’s the back of the knee) that is connected to a man’s sex organs; this ladies and gentlemen, is the dip under the ankles. As you’re cowgirl on top (or cowboy on top) and the guy is reaching a climax, reach for these pressure points and give them a rub. BOOM!
The Sultry Sidewinder allows you the sort of languishing, leisurely pace that, in the end, packs a real punch. (Slow and steady can win the climax race!) "Orgasms that result from a long, slow buildup are frequently much stronger than those that are achieved with fast and intense stimulation," explains Stubbs. "By savoring every single sensation, you're able to achieve a higher level of pleasure in the end." (Think of it like a getting-it-on gearshift — if you go straight from first to fifth, you get a quick drop-off, but if you go from first to second and so forth, your erotic engine will be humming by the time you get there.) Plus, this side-by-side setup is great for intimacy, which can sometimes get lost in the shuffle and storminess of sex. All the eye contact, kissing and closeness of this position will drive your slow climb to orgasm.
In all positions, their pleasure threshold is partially dependent on, simply, what we may be most into. For this one, his ass is accessible to her for full anal and/or prostate play. He gets to enjoy a whole new angle of penetration while also having access to her feet if he's into a little foot/shrimping play. “She lies flat on her back. He mounts her in the reverse and lies flat on top of her with his head at her feet. He inserts his erect penis into her vagina by scooting back towards her,” says Dr. Kat.  

To Control – Using sex as a weapon and method for controlling your man is a recipe for disaster. If you start withholding sex to try to get your husband to do something, then both of you are going to develop a negative attitude towards all things sex very quickly. Equally, promising to give him a blow job only if he does this or that is going to foster an unhealthy situation for your sex life. 

^ Robert Crooks; Karla Baur (2010). Our Sexuality. Cengage Learning. pp. 286–289. ISBN 0495812943. Retrieved August 30, 2012. Noncoital forms of sexual intimacy, which have been called outercourse, can be a viable form of birth control. Outercourse includes all avenues of sexual intimacy other than penile–vaginal intercourse, including kissing, touching, mutual masturbation, and oral and anal sex.
We believe that every individual no matter which part of the world and any gender should be treated equally in society and has the same right to express its individual thoughts believes, etc. For that reason, we founded www.womennow.in to create a platform on which members of the womennow-community can express and share their daily concerns and believes smog each other.
If you’re happy and comfortable with the person you’re with then oral sex can be a great way to get physically closer and learn what turns each other on. But remember that you can pause or stop at any point you want, and the same is true for your partner. Just because you have started something doesn’t mean you need to continue – stopping is actually very normal.
Now don't get me wrong I love giving head I always have but it's very discouraging when you can't make your own husband cum! He is in the military and left for training for a couple weeks and I wanted to do something nice for him when he got home so I bought your book. My attitude has been shit for the past couple years because I've been so frustrated and I really worked on that and I think I did a pretty damn good job! When he came home I tried out your advice and not only did he cum he said it was the best head he's ever gotten and he said his orgasm was deeper and more intense than its ever been! I also had a lot of fun and enjoyed making him feel so good. So just wanted to say thanks, it really helped! 

Much like men do when the roles are reversed, your partner wants to feel like you are having a good time down there. Otherwise she will start to feel self-conscious and immediately tense up, making it way less likely that she’ll be able to orgasm. “I’m not saying you need to take it to porn star levels of enjoyment, but a few well-timed 'mmms' and some sultry eye contact could be just the thing to send your partner into another world of pleasure,” says Morse.
"Talk to them! Ask them if they like what you're doing, ask them what they want. Have an open conversation and keep that conversation going throughout the sexual experience. But most importantly, don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. You should always feel comfortable enough with anyone you're having any type of sex with to talk openly about your personal limits."

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People give various reasons for their dislike of oral sex.[1] Some state that since it does not result in reproduction, it is therefore unnatural.[37] Others find it less intimate because it is not a face-to-face practice,[1] or believe that it is a humiliating or unclean practice;[1][38] that it is humiliating or unclean are opinions that are, at least in some cases, connected with the symbolism attached to different parts of the body.[38] Opposite these views, people also believe that oral sex "is one of the most intimate behaviors that a couple can engage in because it requires total trust and vulnerability."[1]
A 2007 study suggested a correlation between oral sex and throat cancer. It is believed that this is due to the transmission of HPV, a virus that has been implicated in the majority of cervical cancers and which has been detected in throat cancer tissue in numerous studies. The study concludes that people who had one to five oral sex partners in their lifetime had approximately a doubled risk of throat cancer compared with those who never engaged in this activity and those with more than five oral sex partners had a 250 percent increased risk.[26][27][28]

Dirty Texts & Sexting – While your man is at work or is just out of the house, try sending him some dirty texts, letting him know about what’s on your mind and what you are planning for later. It can be something filthy like, “I can wait to feel you explode in my mouth tonight.” Or it can be something a little more reserved like, “Can’t wait to see you later…and my lips can’t wait either ;)” Or you can describe in detail the blow job tip you’ve just learned and are going to perform on him.
Drive him wild: Many guys are heavily conditioned to focus solely on the genitals. "If you expand his capacity to have erotic experiences throughout his entire body, you can open up a whole other world of possibility for him," Michaels says. The thumb is actually a sexy spot for a lot of guys. "To suck on a man's thumb evokes sucking on something else, and can help him connect his mind and body during lovemaking. Start off foreplay by gazing into his eyes as you kiss his hands, and then suck on his thumb as a promise for what's to come," Michaels suggests.

^ Jump up to: a b Tan, Min; Gareth Jones; Guangjian Zhu; Jianping Ye; Tiyu Hong; Shanyi Zhou; Shuyi Zhang; Libiao Zhang (October 28, 2009). Hosken, David, ed. "Fellatio by Fruit Bats Prolongs Copulation Time". PLoS ONE. 4 (10): e7595. Bibcode:2009PLoSO...4.7595T. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0007595. PMC 2762080. PMID 19862320. Retrieved October 28, 2009.


Oral sex should be limited to the protected areas. A makeshift dental dam can be made out of a condom[22] or a latex or nitrile glove,[23] but using a real dental dam is seen as preferable; this is because real dental dams cover a larger area, avoid accidents caused by "slipping" outside the covered area, and avoid the risk that makeshift versions may be accidentally damaged or poked with the scissors during the cutting procedure. Plastic wrap may also be used as a barrier during oral sex, but there exists no conclusive scientific research regarding how effective it may or may not be at preventing disease transmission. Certain kinds of plastic wrap are manufactured to be microwaveable and are designed to have pores that open when heated, but there also exists no scientific research on what effect, if any, this has on disease transmission when used during oral sex.[24] Some people complain that the thickness of the plastic dulls sensation.

Chlamydia, human papillomavirus (HPV), gonorrhea, herpes, hepatitis (multiple strains), and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), can be transmitted through oral sex.[4][5][26] Any sexual exchange of bodily fluids with a person infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, poses a risk of infection. Risk of STI infection, however, is generally considered significantly lower for oral sex than for vaginal or anal sex, with HIV transmission considered the lowest risk with regard to oral sex.[5][6][27][28]


thank you thank you thank you! just your articles helped sooooo much! I use to HATE HATE HATE giving blowjobs because i had NO idea how to but i read your online articles and now thats all my boyfriend wants me to do. As weird as it sounds it also has helped our relationship and we arent fighting as much anymore. its an amazing transformation so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
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Let women make their own decisions, and respect their choices. Keep your judgments to yourself (or better yet, take some time to examine why you’re making any judgments in the first place). A good rule of thumb: Don’t treat a woman in a way that you wouldn’t want another man to treat your mom or sister. This is obviously a huge topic (oh man, the rant that I could go on right now!), but the bottom line is this: We can all contribute to a healthier, happier, more sex-positive world by simply respecting each other. That’s not so hard, is it?
Bacterial vaginosis (vaginal inflammation caused by bacterial overgrowth) is easily spread from woman to woman, but HIV/AIDS is much less likely to be passed on this way, for example. If you’re a lesbian or bisexual woman who has had sex with men, you’re more at risk of the full range of STIs. Talk to your doctor about testing if you’re concerned you may be at risk.

Using your hands first, gently caress his inner thighs, penis, scrotum, testicles, and perineum, paying attention to his reactions (verbal and facial) as you touch certain spots. Many men who have sensitivity in their penis are particularly sensitive around the head (known as the glans), especially the frenulum, an indentation between the glans and the shaft on the underside of the penis. You might want to brush up on your knowledge of male sexual anatomy, to know what you’re working with.

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